See ya, old sport

Witsarut Jongpakdee-aksorn.

So... Yesterday was pretty much his last day in Big Rapids. We went to Michigan's Adventure and The Moras' barbecue party. It was a really good day. But still it was pretty sad though. I woke up in the morning with one thought on my mind,

"Oh shoot, is this really the last day I could see him? I'm not even gonna see him anymore  tomorrow.

Is this even real? Is this really happening?"

I used to silently judge people on the movie or television when they were being extremely sad, crying a river, and stuff. But now I understand, there are some conditions when it's acceptable to cry uncontrollably. I'm not that kind of over-emotional person and I hate crying in front of people. Well, but lately, I saw a part of me that I'd never seen before in my life. I cried, a lot. I used to cry silently. Just tears running through my cheek, no sound, no shaking shoulders. Just tears and that's all. But lately, I cry like a baby.

Yesterday was the worst. I tried, I really did try my best to keep laughing and not shedding any tears. But of course it was all such an epic fail. The worst part is though, when we were on the way to his house after the barbecue party with my host mom. It was a complete silence in the car. No one dared to talk, just the music from the radio that kept playing.

I felt like, as we were getting closer to his house, my fear was getting even bigger and bigger. I stared at the window with a fearful sight, fear of not be able to see him until summer next year, fear of losing him, fear of losing myself. I'm not really good at handling farewell. I know. I was crying in silence and I saw him nearly crying too. Both of us were just in all time low condition last night.

He kept telling me that everything is gonna be fine while holding my hand. I knew it that everything would be okay, but I just needed some time to believe. And I didn't feel like doing it yesterday. I just needed some time to throw everything up, that's all. And I'd be fine, I promised. It felt like yesterday I saw him for the first time in Advanced Biology class and it felt like just a second ago I saw him walking out of my car and smiled sadly while trying to keep strong for me, for us.

Then he left.

He went inside his house then my host mom and I left his house. I tried to control myself on the way home and I did. At least until I walked inside the house, went to my room, then I saw his uniform on my chair. That uniform and the smell of him did hit my limit and I ended up crying like a baby in my room. I didn't even care anymore if my host mom could hear me crying because I was being so loud last night, all I wanted to do was just crying until no more tears left behind.

I dunno, the thought of not seeing him until summer next year was freaking me out as heck. I couldn't handle it for a moment until I could finally take a control of myself again. Then I went downstairs, went on Twitter for a little while. Then there he was, telling me that he left his earphones in my host sister's car and he was wondering if we could bring them back to his house.

I sat there for a sec and was like, 'Lol. Life is such a b*tch. Unpredictable. Anything could happen. When I thought everything was over, then the earphones were randomly there, got left behind. Making me have to see him again for (the real) last time before summer next year. Then there I was, going to his house, giving back his earphones, and giving him the last hug before we finally waved to each other and said, "See you later."

Anything could happen. Now I finally believe that everything is gonna be fine, amazing even.

We would not give up on each other just yet and that's how I know everything is gonna be okay until we would see each other again next year.

See you later and thank you for these wonderful 10 months.

Chan rak khun, Jack.